Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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