3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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