I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
