I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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