you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
