just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
