I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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