roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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