I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
