ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
