My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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