The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
