a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
