My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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