is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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