I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
