she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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