it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
