I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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