He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize