so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
