just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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