hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
