Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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