i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
