I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
