dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Randomize
