she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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