I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
