piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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