I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The Olympian is in my bed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
