this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Say something about gay babies.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
