i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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