I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
