watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
