i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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