the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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