I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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