I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
