Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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