he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
