I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You ruined the universe
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
