he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
