so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
