I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
