my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
