I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
