ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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