the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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