Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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