It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
