I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
