The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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