guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
