dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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