Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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