It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
