Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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